Kino Filipino

Swine flu? Another global warming?!?!

2009-04-29T21:32:00.000-07:00

Swine flue?..... SWINE FLU?!?!? Has anyone seen "Willow?" You know the pig part? seeing Val Kilmar being transfigured into a pig will forever be ingrained in my head. Probably the most traumatic moment in my 4th year of being alive. My wife and i have a couple that we are good friends with and it so happens that they went to Mexico on a cruise the exact week that the mass media decides to come out with the hysteria that we are all going to die from getting porked. I hope our friends don't come back as pigs. And if they do at least come back with wings so we can settle all of the unpaid debts contingent upon pigs flying.

I love my Job

2009-03-09T22:21:00.000-07:00

I am not a bad person. I like many things pedestrians like unto you do. For example, dancing with the stars i love because it's the only show that my wife lets me watch with out shielding my eyes to the blatant partial nudity of some of the female dancers. I could say the same about Americas next top model but those chicks are a bunch of ugly banana face ducklings that need over one million dollars of lighting equiptment and 9,000 shots to look half way human. I'm off topic, my apologies. I love my job but some of you may hate me after this post. I evict people. I am paid not to care about the lives of those who did not make enough money in these hard economic times to pay their mortgage. 3 weeks ago i kicked out two little old ladies from a home they inherited from their father. ask me if i let one tear glisten on my cheak? NO because i DONT CARE! you know those movies where a family is about to lose their home but they find some magical way to come up with the money and everyone lives happily ever after? Well i'm what they see when the magic did not happen. No this post is not particulary funny in fact if you are laughing you must have no heart... and that must mean we will get along.

This one is for my boy!

2009-03-08T23:44:00.000-07:00

Ok everyone if you don't know my boy JD yet, you are missing out on a large piece of your lives, also you must not be my friend or even in my blackberry. I don't blog very often and my boy jd called me out on it this last weekend while we were enjoying fine casual dining at BJ's on the Newport peninsula. Yes this is true that i have not had a post since dec. 11 but what can i say i'm a busy guy and i forgot my password to my own blog hence the not being able to blog and being to lazy to email google.
Anyway this is not about me, its about JD. He is my boy not literally but in the way middle aged white guys say it trying to be black... we are good friends. friends enough to save each others lives. ask him how i saved his live one day its very amusing. In case you don't know my boy like i do, cuz i know that you know that i know you don't know him like i do cuz you aint tight wit him or right wit him because i live right next to him and I never see him. here are few things you need to know;
cancer survivor, tall white and handsome, has a slight crook to his nose (don't worry his mom didn't even notice till he was 21) slept with his door open in college, has the most fantastic collection of shoes to rival ANY modest budget beyatch west of the Mississippi, can drink and does drink multiple Listerine bottles of water during conversation, holds the longest pee record in appt. 16 at the Shelbourn South Tower, if he lived during WWII could have been mistaken for a Nazi due to his suspiciously exact genetic make up of the "mother race," Bought a motorcycle but dose not ride it cuz he bought it broke, Admits he loves Sion Xb's and even bought one for two weeks, to good guitar hero for a 26 year old, looks better bald, and married a hot black chick.... ok the last one is a slight lie but she is from california so she is hot but not black. Shes an illegal immigrant.
if i missed anything it's because it's late and i my mind aint right.

Just so you guys know me and my boy JD are going to be famous bloggers so keep and eye out. pretty much its going to be a semi gangster blog battle between us and it's going to blow minds.

listen to this spit and go ahead and give me a beatbox for full effect

i'm as serious as a heart attack, i just bloged your arteries
my blogs are so sick their aint no healthy part of me

blog-angsta s wat they callin me go head and check the dictionary
my picta underneath labeled "mutha-blogin visionary"

the blogs that i be cookin are nothin short but culinary
the blogs keep goin on and on just call em bicentenary

they be so quick wit they'll cut you up and down your capillary
so blogin sexy they'll be Paris Hilton's next accessory

BOOOM! now thats what i'm talking about

disney trivia edit

2008-08-01T21:40:00.001-07:00

Don't want to brag, but I am the greatest Disney trivia contender ever. The only person to have ever rivaled me was walt himself. go on and test me. better yet here are a few questions i know the answers too and i bet you do not with out the help of google. 1. what is the name of the carriage horse in "aristocats?" 2. what kind of car is lioghtning mcqueen supposed to resemble in "cars" 3. who is gastons side kick? 4. what nationality of the girl that is the singing voice of Jasmine? 5. how many golden camels does prince ali have? how many persian peackocks? 6. finish this line: "befor humans used to sit around and stare at each other....." 7. how many lost boys are there? 8. with out using your fingers name the seven dwarfs. 9. what were jafars three wishes? 10. what are the three rules of wishing?

ESPEEKA DEE ENGLEE

2008-07-31T13:42:00.000-07:00

whats that on the wall? its prolly my brains because Obama just blew my mind. This guy wants us to speak spanish? like all of us? as in a national language? like the USA will have TWO national languages? I love spanish people they are the bomb but let me break down the communication break down. If you can name me one country in the world that has TWO national languages and isn't 3rd world please tell me now cuz i cant think of any.

3rd world
india 7 national languages, 1,000+ dilects
philippines 2 national languages, 100 dialects
indonesia who the freak knows how many
Africa isnt there still uncharted land in africa?

1st world
USA, uno national languages
England, one
Germany, one
scottland, one
france, one
italy, one
greece, one

i could go on but for the sake of not i wont.

technacally you can say canada has two but come on really, no one really likes canada. nothing good has come out of canada, toronto bluejays, rapters, maple leafs, all subprime professional sports teams that will never win a chapionship anything.

Bottom line: its bad enough kids today have created their own txt language, Learning spanish will not make illegal immagrants any more American.

NO GOD ALLOWED

2008-07-31T09:57:00.001-07:00

public schools, or should i say a malicious union of nefarious liberals dictating what children think do and eat. I hate them and i hope that my children will never experience a California public school.

here is what i find funny, it is not only accepted but encouraged that teachers talk about sex and how it works, talk about evolution like it's a proven fact that man has come from monkeys. Hand out condoms, have daycare centers, encourage sexual promiscuity, teach that being gay is a good and a completely natural thing.

heaven forbid that the word "GOD" be mentioned! that's grounds for expulsion! unless of course you are using it as a curse word THEN you may say God. As long as you are using it disrespectfully its ok. By the way no staring at the pregnant freshman next to you.

"because i'm the mom, thats why"

2008-07-31T01:08:00.000-07:00

moms live by a different set of rules. they need no reason to back up what they say. when mom tells you to do something you do it regardless if it even does not need doing. Although mothers have generic responses like "it builds character" "makes you a good person" or "i dont care what the neighbor mom lets them do" very rarely do they need to back up a decision.

You see mothers have these mystical powers that can blow children's minds with out warning or reason. being an observant guy i tried blowing my wife's mind, immediately she kicked my butt up through my head.

don't ask me how moms do it, i dunno. all i know is that you kids better be on your toes cuz mazzah knows when you need more character. take it from a pro, find ways to build your own character because moms way is the hard way.. Let it be known so says kino filipino!

MAN-DATING

2008-07-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

There is nothing homo, metro, or bi-sexual about man-dating. If you are new to the man-dating scene or are thinking about experimenting with some of your man friends, let me break down the rules for you.

1. The man who initiates the date is the one who drives. A request for gas money will result in termination of the man-date.

2. Man-dates are always dutch, and the "forgetting your wallet" trick will invariably lead to having you sit outside without participating in the activity.

3. Let your restaurant server know up front that the checks will be split.

4. No alcohol. We do not want you to get so hammered that you forget you are on a date with a MAN.

5. If attending the movies, there should be at least one empty seat reserved as buffer zone between you. This avoids both confusion among other movie goers and nonverbal fights for the armrest.

6. Do not say "Goodnight" to your man-date. "See ya bro," "Later man," or "Take it easy," are all acceptable biddings of farewell. "Goodnight" is reserved for members of the opposite sex.

RACIST!!!

2008-07-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a cold hard fact of life.
People will always be racist as follows:

Asians
"the smart kids", small, funny, esthetically pleasing, drive only hondas, good at sports but not good enough to play college anything, 9 out of 10 have spiky hair, wacked out cartoons, incredibly over obsessed with dragonball z.... or pokemon. the inventors of the ugly car

Blacks
dominate in all sports except the ones that are played in the cold or in water,
thought to have an extra tendon in their knee making them jump higher and run faster, black women are among best arguers in the world, good singers, godfathers of jazz, make words like "stupid" "dope" and "retarded" mean good things.

Mexicans
mexican is a term used for anyone born south of the rio grande, even if you are
from Argentina you are mexican, only eat spicy foods that would kill a normal person, spanish chicks have the best butts.

Whites
slower, weaker, not as cool as blacks but somehow figure out a way to "suppress a brotha"
offended when called a "rich white person" although saying "rich black person" is a complement.
if a white male is not married by the time they are 60 they move to Asia and hook up with teen girls. Still and will always dominate the NHL and curling.

Polynesians
love to scream loud, gold teeth is still fashionable, very nice people but do not piss them off, learned to "haka" before to walk, deceptively strong and fast, sometimes they are confused with black people, are allowed to say the "n" word.

PREPARE TO GET YOUR NUTS SMASHED

2008-07-29T12:29:00.001-07:00

Getting kicked in the nuts sucks, fortunately when other people get kicked in the nuts its hilarious. ball tapping, squirrel tapping, nut shots, undercarriage kicks are all a necessary evil in this world. I kicked one of my friends in the nuts and it hurt him for days. Since the pain did not subside he went to the doctor and discovered that her has testicular cancer. I saved his life.

Women, you will never understand why its so funny because you don't have them. just like how men don't understand your obsession with "The Bachellor"

Now for your enjoyment a compilation of people getting kicked in the nuts.
(disclaimer) Your sides may or may not split open because of laughter

if you enjoy, like, or support the following

2008-07-29T11:03:00.000-07:00

Al gore, global warming, the view, pro choice, medical marijuana, welfare, MS13, moveon.org, rolling stone magazine, the obama campaign, THE GOVERNATOR, illegal immigrants, amnesty, girl pants on guys, sex and the city, desperate housewives, the mayor of LA, all villains on 24, celebrity gossip

chances are no one likes you

Fat People

2008-07-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

so i read on aol that over 35% of Americans will be fat by the year 2030... raise your hand if you think this is a problem. if you just raised your hand you are wrong. there is nothing wrong with fat people in fact my theory is that big people are more healthy than skinny folk.

example a: if there is a famine who is going to die first? the skinny guy.
example b: if a fat guy and skinny guy fall of a boat in the ocean which one is going to float to safety? probably the one who looks like a booey
example c: if there were a sudden freeze who is going to survive the cold? yep, the fat guy. last example, see the pic? who do you think will win in a fight? I rest my case.

Honestly if it was such a big problem you would see more fat people dieing in the streets. i have yet to meet a person who is dieing of being fat. i have met more sickly skinny college girls than sick fat people.
I have never met a fat person with a cold
who has an easer time giving birth, fat chicks or skinny chicks?

bottom line, fat people are healthier than skinny people. Aol, you are suck for posting that story

if you enjoy the following:

2008-07-28T22:40:00.000-07:00

will ferrell, jack black, glenn beck, spots center, talk radio, a good party shirt, mullets, christians, browns, blacks, whites, yellows, new socks, low taxes, fox news, hot showers, halo, net flix, automotives, Elf, brian regan, John and Ken kfi more stimulating talk radio, petrose and money, dr. laura, morals, a cool refreshing beverage, poetry, san diego, ron burgandy, marvel comics, white shoes, marrage, black hair, shaving your legs, the office, scratonicity, Dwight Schrute.

you will find this blog tickling your fancy

if you do not know what any of these are i suggest you use the google machine to find out so we can all laugh in one accord

the inagural post

2008-07-28T22:39:00.001-07:00

#1 i hate grammar and i will spell a lot of stuff wrong. just how i do
#2 i love talk radio and so should every living creature
#3 the end